Conquer Club

CreepersWiener wrote:My Wiener

When I am alone and in bed,
And I am quite yearning for porn,
I grab the knob o' me head,
And pump it 'til the rise o' the morn.

My wiener stands straight as a missile,
Looking for enemy ships.
I rub me oysters and whistle,
A tune to ascend me lips.

Me eyes they's crossed for Snapper,
Looking deep within me mind,
For images o' beautiful Clapper,
Stroking me monkey so kind.

Then a strange feeling came 'fore me,
Me body all numb it did go.
The air was full o' bright colours to see,
And it was pleasing from head to toe!

Ah, a good wank job finally came to term!
Me mornin' mission complete!
What do I do with this handful o' sperm?
Hmmm...well, I hadn't yet anything to eat.

Author-CreepersWiener

InkL0sed wrote:http://www.fishousepoems.org/archives/steve_scafidi/to_whoever_set_my_truck_on_fire.shtml

To Whoever Set My Truck On Fire

But let us be friends awhile and understand our differences
are small and that they float like dust in sunny rooms
and let us settle into the good work of being strangers
simply who have something to say in the middle of the night
for you have said something that interests me--something of flames,
footsteps and the hard heavy charge of an engine gunning away
into the June cool of four in the morning here in West Virginia
where last night I woke to the sound of a door slamming,
five or six fading footsteps, and through the window saw
my impossible truck bright orange like a maverick sun and
ran--I did--panicked in my underwear bobbling the dumb
extinguisher too complex it seemed for putting out fires
and so grabbed a skillet and jumped about like one
needing to piss while the faucet like honey issued its slow
sweet water and you I noticed then were watching
from your idling car far enough away I could not make
your plate number but you could see me--half naked
figuring out the puzzle of a fire thirty seconds from
a dream never to be remembered while the local chaos
of a growing fire crackled through the books and boots
burning in my truck, you bastard, you watched as I sprayed
finally the flames with a gardenhose under the moon
and yes I cut what was surely a ridiculous figure there
and worsened it later that morning after the bored police
drove home lazily and I stalked the road in front of my house
with an ax in my hand and walked into the road after
every car to memorize the plates of who might have done this:
LB 7329, NT 7663, and you may have passed by--
I don’t know--you may have passed by as I committed
the innocent numbers of neighbors to memory and maybe
you were miles away and I, like the woodsman of fairy tales,
threatened all with my bright ax shining with the evil
joy of vengeance and mad hunger to bring harm--heavy
harm--to the coward who did this and if I find you,
my friend, I promise you I will lay the sharp blade deep
into your body until the humid grabbing hands of what must be
death have mercy and take you away from the constant
murderous swinging my mind makes my words make
swinging down on your body and may your children
weep a thousand tears at your small and bewildered grave.

But then, I realized how pointless such ambitions were
so I decided to write some mean poetry about my feelings
and after doing so, I've been recognized for my works
and I feel better for it, and I actually thank the person for burning my truck.