Conquer Club

1. Jesus was really Lucifer's brother in the spirit world, and it was only due to a "heavenly council" vote that Jesus became our redeemer instead of Satan!

2. Mormons who have been through their temples are wearing sacred underwear to protect themselves from "evil". This "evil" includes non-Mormon religions like yours.

3. Mormon vampires are sparkly.

Some Mormons have the best of everything. Like Muslims, they can have multiple wives. But like Christians, they can eat bacon.

Having multiple wives is like eating bacon a pound at a time twice a day. It starts out really awesome but soon enough...

2dimes wrote:Having multiple wives is like eating bacon a pound at a time twice a day. It starts out really awesome but soon enough...

Are you speaking from personal experience (sorry, could not help it...)

Yep, I would suspect this is quite true.

PLAYER57832 wrote:

2dimes wrote:Having multiple wives is like eating bacon a pound at a time twice a day. It starts out really awesome but soon enough...

Are you speaking from personal experience (sorry, could not help it...)

Yep, I would suspect this is quite true.

I've experienced the fact that having one spouse is a really great thing at first. As for being ganged up on by more than one wife during some discussion? Fortunately they were not all mine, so any extras went home after.

4. Black people are black because they're evil

4a. According to ancient Mormon crime statistics.

2dimes wrote:

PLAYER57832 wrote:

2dimes wrote:Having multiple wives is like eating bacon a pound at a time twice a day. It starts out really awesome but soon enough...

Are you speaking from personal experience (sorry, could not help it...)

Yep, I would suspect this is quite true.

I've experienced the fact that having one spouse is a really great thing at first. As for being ganged up on by more than one wife during some discussion? Fortunately they were not all mine, so any extras went home after.

lol

Over 200 million pounds of food, clothing, and medicine were donated in the last 20 years in 147 countries by the Mormon church.

Juan_Bottom wrote:Some Mormons have the best of everything. Like Muslims, they can have multiple wives. But like Christians, they can eat bacon.

5. The state of Utah, which is predominately Mormon, has a higher than the national average of teenage suicide, as well as the highest rate of wife beating and child abuse in the USA.

Utah is 50th in smoking, alcohol consumption, drunk driving, heart disease, cancer, and sick days.

demonfork wrote:Over 200 million pounds of food, clothing, and medicine were donated in the last 20 years in 147 countries by the Mormon church.

"yeah, but i think their beliefs are dumb, so that means they must be bad for the world, and should be eliminated."

^ half this forum (most of whom consider themselves religiously tolerant)

john9blue wrote:

demonfork wrote:Over 200 million pounds of food, clothing, and medicine were donated in the last 20 years in 147 countries by the Mormon church.

"yeah, but i think their beliefs are dumb, so that means they must be bad for the world, and should be eliminated."

^ half this forum (most of whom consider themselves religiously tolerant)

You including me in that 50%?

demonfork wrote:Over 200 million pounds of food, clothing, and medicine were donated in the last 20 years in 147 countries by the Mormon church.

True, but the same is true for most churches. Not sharing in the "lets trash Mormon's" stuff (not my church, so of course I disagree with some beliefs, but that is a different discussion), but just saying...

If you want the real champion group in that regard, it would be the Mennonites. After every hurricane, Tornado, etc.... you will see them out in force, sometimes Old Order Amish as well (though they tend to stay more local, sometimes the young men will go with a group). They give not only goods, but leave their own fields (tended by a skeleton crew) to help others. A lot of folks may not realize how much, if they are not directly impacted, because they disdain publicity, specifically avoid getting their pictures in the paper and such.

Mormons do a great deal, but like a lot of churches, they tend to ask more in return than the Mennonites ever do, even subtly.

john9blue wrote:

demonfork wrote:Over 200 million pounds of food, clothing, and medicine were donated in the last 20 years in 147 countries by the Mormon church.

"yeah, but i think their beliefs are dumb, so that means they must be bad for the world, and should be eliminated."

^ half this forum (most of whom consider themselves religiously tolerant)

10. Mormons are a contentious lot, who pressure the youth into a life of misery.

Army of GOD wrote:4. Black people are black because they're evil

Blacks were not even considered "HUMAN" until 1978 by the mormon cult. until very recently they were not allowed to be priests in the religion or have any major roles within the faith.-el Jesus negro

owenshooter wrote:

Army of GOD wrote:4. Black people are black because they're evil

Blacks were not even considered "HUMAN" until 1978 by the mormon cult. until very recently they were not allowed to be priests in the religion or have any major roles within the faith.-el Jesus negro

1836: In March, Elijah Abel, a black man, is ordained to the office of Elder.
1836: In December, Elijah Abel, is ordained to the office of Seventy.
1844: Walker Lewis, a black man, is ordained to the office of Elder.
1846: William McCary, a black man, is ordained to the office of Elder.
1900: Enoch Abel, the son of Elijah Abel, is ordained to the office of Elder.
1935: Elijah Abel, grandson of Elijah Abel, is ordained to the office of Elder.
1958: All black Melanesians (Fijians) are given the priesthood (blacks in the Philippines even earlier)
1978: Revelation on Priesthood gives the priesthood to all worthy men regardless of color.
1990: Helvecio Martins becomes first black General Authority Seventy.

7. Mormons believe that women receive salvation only through their Mormon husbands, and must remain pregnant for all eternity. In other words, women are an inferior species to men.

8. Mormon women are ugly

9. I played basketball against Jimmer Fredette

pimpdave wrote:

Juan_Bottom wrote:Some Mormons have the best of everything. Like Muslims, they can have multiple wives. But like Christians, they can eat bacon.

5. The state of Utah, which is predominately Mormon, has a higher than the national average of teenage suicide, as well as the highest rate of wife beating and child abuse in the USA.

• Jell-O facts and Utah
• The Salt Lake City residents eat so much Jell-O, the term 'Jell-O Belt' is used to define the parts of the western United States with large populations of Latter-day Saints. 'The Jell-O Belt extends northward through western Wyoming and eastern Idaho to Yellowstone National Park. The belt reaches south through San Bernardino, California and Mesa, Arizona. In Arizona, the belt extends throughout all of the eastern part of the state, almost to the U.S.-Mexico border'
• The official state dessert of Utah is Lime Jell-O.
• Citizens of Utah eat more Lime Green Jello than anywhere else in the US and anywhere else in all of North America

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_state_co ... z1h0MBOq6c

11. Mormons believe that they will have many wives in heaven, carrying on multiple sex relations throughout eternity, until they have enough children to populate their own earth, so they can be "Heavenly Father" over their own planet.

Sorry for the horrible quality, it was the only one I could find with the whole song.