Conquer Club

Lets all wince at your stories

I am unworthy of this thread

whilst its not personal, the cringe factor makes it worth the telling..



kid at my school years ago walking along a fence.

slips.

impales the crown jewels on a metal spike.

anyone top that?

A couple years ago I was in a bad accident where a guy ran a red light and slammed into the passenger side of my car. I ended up with a broken right arm, 2 broken fingers, multiple broken ribs, cuts and bruises all over my body and a nice big bump on my head.

I had a mate when i was younger who had a nasty accident.

It was the time just before bmx and we had gotten some racer frames, stuck cowhorn handle bars on them and some knobbly cross country tyres. We had knocked up some rickety ramp and were making it higher and higher with more bricks to see who could jump the longest distance.

My mate went up the ramp at full pelt and landed badly. He came off his seat and ended up sitting on the fast rotating rear wheel and crashed into a bush.
He was screaming in agony and I rushed over to see what was wrong. The tyre had ripped through his jeans and he was pleading with me to take him home. My house was a lot closer, so we went there first.
He asked me to see what damage was done, so we went up to the bathroom and he dropped his jeans.
I wasn't to keen on having a close up of someone bollox (only aged about 13-14), but I had a look and saw that his sack had been torn apart.

he waddled home, with me walking his bike and his mum took him up the hospital.

He told me afterwards that the nurse who was lifting his nuts to administer a local anesthetic was fit and we she was touching his ripped up sack, he got an erection. LMFAO - 14 year old boys with their cods in pieces are just SO FUCKING PUMPED UP WITH HORMONES!!!!

The most painful accident I ever had was in High School shop class.

We were making table size model houses of our dream homes.

I needed to drill some holes in the sides so I could glue some dowels in. It was a really long day. I was hurrying to get done so I could get home and study for our geometry and biology classes the next day.

I had four pieces that i needed to drill out for the outer wall segments.

I had some friends behind me that kept teasing me about this girl that I was seeing. She wasn't all that great looking (actually kind of nerdy) but she could really suck dick.

Anyway, I drilled out the first three pieces all right and then...all of a sudden...as I was in the middle of bringing the drill press down, my buddy, Joey, throws a small chunk of wood at my back to get my attention and tease me.

When the block of wood hit my back, it hurt and startled me. Out of reflex I arched my back backwards and my abdomen and pelvis forwards as I moved my arms to the middle of my back where Joey hit me with that block of wood.

All of a sudden...ZING!...the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life!

The only way I could describe it is if you took your penis and testicles and wrapped them around a drill bit, because that's exactly what happened to me! My sack and cock got wrapped around the drill bit along with my jeans! Luckily the drill press cord was right there, so I instantly pulled on it as soon as I felt the pain and the press stopped immediately!

The coach had to get everyone out of the class room as he gently unwrapped my genitalia from the damned drill bit!

The nurse brought lots of ice and I just laid on the coaches couch in his office.

My balls ballooned up like soft balls and my dick was black and blue with red marks on it. I still have red polka-dotted marks on it from the broken blood capillaries.

The good news is that my dick kind of cork screws around and the chicks really like the feeling of it!

I scraped my knee once...

hecter wrote:I scraped my knee once...

*cringe*

Iliad wrote:

hecter wrote:I scraped my knee once...

*cringe*

Ya, and yesterday I burnt my arm taking something out of the oven!

Well, no single big accident here, but I've twisted an ankle so often I've lost count (stopped counting after the sixth time), the weird thing is I've only torn a ligament in my right ankle once, all the other times were in my left.

hecter wrote:

Iliad wrote:

hecter wrote:I scraped my knee once...

*cringe*

Ya, and yesterday I burnt my arm taking something out of the oven!

I burned my finger on a baking tray about a week ago, then I cooled it so thoroughly I nearly got a frostbite, and not a single scar to prove it :/

I completely popped my shoulder out of its socket when pitching in a baseball game last year and it was so shocking it didn't even hurt. It made the grossest noise ever when it happened and the pitch went a little wild. Everyone in the crowd like screamed and the coach came over and I went to the bench and a parent in the crowd was a doctor and popped it back in. So I sat out 2 innings, but my shoulder didn't hurt really so I went back into the game at first base so I wouldn't have to throw. I went to the doctor the next day and it turned out alright (for the time, I've got 2 injured shoulders now)

A friend of mine was driving a VW Rabbit. He got hit by a big Oldsmobile running a stop sign, full speed collision, hit him square on the driver's side door. His upper leg bone on the left side was broken longitudinally - the length of the bone. He had all kinds of other broken stuff - ribs, pelvis, collarbone, etc.... and some damaged internals. In the hospital, he was in so much pain that his saliva turned acidic and starting eating his teeth. All the doctors could do was tell him to get better. He was off work for 50 weeks, learning how to walk again. He had to get... I think eight crowns on his teeth. And to this day, he has to wear custom lifts in his shoes because his left leg is a couple of inches shorter than his right.

(He swore he would never drive a small car again.)

Same guy, probably 15-20 years later... in a head-on collision on a highway. Drunk guy in a big car. My friend nearly bled to death from a 6.5 inch cut on his leg because the rescue squads were all engaged and took forever to get to him. He came out with a broken sternum and collarbone, busted leg and ribs, and all kinds of other crap. Took him some six months to recover from that one... and he spent most of it in a neck brace, and was using a cane again because of his leg being complicated by the previous problems.

Me? The worst thing I ever had to deal with was viral meningitis, and I count myself lucky.

DaGip wrote:The most painful accident I ever had was in High School shop class.

We were making table size model houses of our dream homes.

I needed to drill some holes in the sides so I could glue some dowels in. It was a really long day. I was hurrying to get done so I could get home and study for our geometry and biology classes the next day.

I had four pieces that i needed to drill out for the outer wall segments.

I had some friends behind me that kept teasing me about this girl that I was seeing. She wasn't all that great looking (actually kind of nerdy) but she could really suck dick.

Anyway, I drilled out the first three pieces all right and then...all of a sudden...as I was in the middle of bringing the drill press down, my buddy, Joey, throws a small chunk of wood at my back to get my attention and tease me.

When the block of wood hit my back, it hurt and startled me. Out of reflex I arched my back backwards and my abdomen and pelvis forwards as I moved my arms to the middle of my back where Joey hit me with that block of wood.

All of a sudden...ZING!...the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life!

The only way I could describe it is if you took your penis and testicles and wrapped them around a drill bit, because that's exactly what happened to me! My sack and cock got wrapped around the drill bit along with my jeans! Luckily the drill press cord was right there, so I instantly pulled on it as soon as I felt the pain and the press stopped immediately!

The coach had to get everyone out of the class room as he gently unwrapped my genitalia from the damned drill bit!

The nurse brought lots of ice and I just laid on the coaches couch in his office.

My balls ballooned up like soft balls and my dick was black and blue with red marks on it. I still have red polka-dotted marks on it from the broken blood capillaries.

The good news is that my dick kind of cork screws around and the chicks really like the feeling of it!

That reminds me of the joke about the guy with a corkscrew willy who spent his life looking for a lady with matching genitalia. When he did, it turned out she was a left-hand thread...

Call me when you dislocate a knee a few times.

Or get your foot caught in bicycle spokes as its moving at a decent pace.

I once got hit by a Patriot Missile after being fired out of a cannon made of killer-bees.

That was pretty rough, but I pulled through ok.

I was working at a bowling alley as a mechanic. on league night i got a pit call to fix 2 machines that were pretty close together.

so i climbed on top of the first one and fixed that problem, then walked along the front to the next machine. I grabbed the pin from the front of the lane and went to throw it in the turret on the top of the machine so i put the toe of my right foot on the deck, and my heel on the frame work.

i forgot they were on second ball of their frame so when they threw their ball with my foot still in the machine the rake pinned my foot into the machine and pinned me in there.

well i got the damned thing off but i was still trapped so i started throwing pins all over the place. well they got me out of it and took me to the hospitol where they found i fractured my ankle. well thats not the REALLY painful part of all this.

come to find out one of the chicks that worked the counter thought my redneck ass was cute so after the accident she started talking to me. well long story short i lived with the bitch for 3 VERY LONG YEARS.

ida been better off sticking my head in the damned machine

mrjd1863 wrote:I was working at a bowling alley as a mechanic. on league night i got a pit call to fix 2 machines that were pretty close together.

so i climbed on top of the first one and fixed that problem, then walked along the front to the next machine. I grabbed the pin from the front of the lane and went to throw it in the turret on the top of the machine so i put the toe of my right foot on the deck, and my heel on the frame work.

i forgot they were on second ball of their frame so when they threw their ball with my foot still in the machine the rake pinned my foot into the machine and pinned me in there.

well i got the damned thing off but i was still trapped so i started throwing pins all over the place. well they got me out of it and took me to the hospitol where they found i fractured my ankle. well thats not the REALLY painful part of all this.

come to find out one of the chicks that worked the counter thought my redneck ass was cute so after the accident she started talking to me. well long story short i lived with the bitch for 3 VERY LONG YEARS.

ida been better off sticking my head in the damned machine

ROFL

men
lot of fuss and nonsense about nothing.

Last night, by accident, I clicked "End Fortification" when I meant to hit "Fortify". It was so painful I exclaimed several expletives in the team chat.

That would have to be my most painful accident. wakka wakka wakka!

Nikolai wrote:A friend of mine was driving a VW Rabbit. He got hit by a big Oldsmobile running a stop sign, full speed collision, hit him square on the driver's side door. His upper leg bone on the left side was broken longitudinally - the length of the bone. He had all kinds of other broken stuff - ribs, pelvis, collarbone, etc.... and some damaged internals. In the hospital, he was in so much pain that his saliva turned acidic and starting eating his teeth. All the doctors could do was tell him to get better. He was off work for 50 weeks, learning how to walk again. He had to get... I think eight crowns on his teeth. And to this day, he has to wear custom lifts in his shoes because his left leg is a couple of inches shorter than his right.

(He swore he would never drive a small car again.)

Same guy, probably 15-20 years later... in a head-on collision on a highway. Drunk guy in a big car. My friend nearly bled to death from a 6.5 inch cut on his leg because the rescue squads were all engaged and took forever to get to him. He came out with a broken sternum and collarbone, busted leg and ribs, and all kinds of other crap. Took him some six months to recover from that one... and he spent most of it in a neck brace, and was using a cane again because of his leg being complicated by the previous problems.

Me? The worst thing I ever had to deal with was viral meningitis, and I count myself lucky.

Maybe your friend should consider walking to work.

Pedronicus wrote:Lets all wince at your stories

In this life or a past one?