Conquer Club

One morning 3 Alabama good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket
line at the Birmingham train station heading to Atlanta for a big
football game.

The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3
Southerners bought just one ticket among them.

"'How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?'" asked
one of the Yankees.

"'Watch and learn"' answered one of the boys from the South.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down,
but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the
door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to
collect tickets.

He knocked on the bathroom door and said, '"ticket please.'" the
door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in
hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever
idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on
the return trip and save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the Atlanta train
station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to
their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.

"'How are you going to travel without a ticket?'" asked one of the
perplexed Yankees.

"'Watch and learn'", answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves
into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the
other bathroom across from it..

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left
their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's
bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "'ticket please'".

anways i ahve one

Obama,Obama's wife and,Ophra were all in a plane Obama turns to Ophra and says " i could throw $1000 out the window and make someone happy". Ophra says " i got you beat i could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Obama's wife says " i got you both beat i could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make 100 people happy". After hearing this the pilot rolls his eyes like this turns to the co-pilot and says " i could throw thier a**es out the window and make 65million people happy.

A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!"

"Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"

"Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"

nice but if that joke is saying southerners are dumb............i will do something.
anyways 'ere is 'nother 1. a soldier is in a helo ( helicopter ) and has in his backpack an apple, an orange and a grenade the apple falls out of his backpack and hits a kid on the head the soldier asks," why are you crying?" he said "an apple fell from the sky and hit us on the head." he got into the helo again and took off then the orange fell out and hit a girl and a dog on the head. he asked why they were crying. the girl said " an orange fell from the sky and hit us on the head " . he gets in the helo then the grenade falls out he sees a kid luaghing he asks" why are you luaghing?" still luaghing the kid says " my momma toot and the house go boom.

Women's Rights

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?


Because she was a woman.

who's ophra?

the.killing.44 wrote:who's ophra?

It's spelled Oprah

colton24 wrote: nice but if that joke is saying southerners are dumb............i will do something.
anyways 'ere is 'nother 1. a soldier is in a helo ( helicopter ) and has in his backpack an apple, an orange and a grenade the apple falls out of his backpack and hits a kid on the head the soldier asks," why are you crying?" he said "an apple fell from the sky and hit us on the head." he got into the helo again and took off then the orange fell out and hit a girl and a dog on the head. he asked why they were crying. the girl said " an orange fell from the sky and hit us on the head " . he gets in the helo then the grenade falls out he sees a kid luaghing he asks" why are you luaghing?" still luaghing the kid says " my momma toot and the house go boom.

OK, the kid that got hit by an apple, says "an apple hit us on the head". Did someone not mentioned get hit too? Or did he get a split personality from the knock...or just have one to begin with. Further, did the orange hit the girl on the head, and then the dog, or was it a big dog, and hit the dog first...and why couldnt it just hit one of them, and if it hit one of them first, would it really hurt the other enough to make them cry. I mean Id cry if i got hit by an orange that fell out of a helicopter....hell, I might even pass out or die. but if it hit my dog on the head, and then bounced off and hit me, I think I might be laughing right along with the kid who watched his mom explode... or is that all part of the joke?

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long face?"

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

It was tired of been called "mppphhharrrggghhhummm"

BoganGod wrote:Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long face?"

Lol...

hecter wrote:

BoganGod wrote:Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long face?"

Lol...

Nice edit hector, you version is much better lol

Military intelligience

Intelligent design

Collateral damage

Christian science

What's Black and Blue and doesn't like sex.







Madeline McCann

Whats the difference between Pope jean paul and Madeline mccann?





The pope died a virgin.

U.S ARMY backwards

Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up

my little sister elisted me in the mexican army then gave my cellphone number to 2 hobos and every other time it rings its a hobo saying can i come over to your house?

dustn64 wrote:

the.killing.44 wrote:who's ophra?

It's spelled Oprah

*whoosh*
I know that…

colton24 wrote: anways i ahve one

Obama,Obama's wife and,Ophra were all in a plane Obama turns to Ophra and says " i could throw $1000 out the window and make someone happy". Ophra says " i got you beat i could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Obama's wife says " i got you both beat i could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make 100 people happy". After hearing this the pilot rolls his eyes like this turns to the co-pilot and says " i could throw thier a**es out the window and make 65million people happy.

It was funny when I first heard it.. about Nixon.... at summer camp, which means it was probably already quite old by then.

colton24 wrote: anways i ahve one

Obama,Obama's wife and,Ophra were all in a plane Obama turns to Ophra and says " i could throw $1000 out the window and make someone happy". Ophra says " i got you beat i could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Obama's wife says " i got you both beat i could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make 100 people happy". After hearing this the pilot rolls his eyes like this turns to the co-pilot and says " i could throw thier a**es out the window and make 65million people happy.

that was great

im not going to tell any bc some dumb ass will report it and some fucking mod will forum ban me bc it could hurt someones feelings

now is that funny?

Hologram wrote:Women's Rights

This is the best one so far...

The spoiler labels say it all, open at your own discretion.

Sexist jokes

Sexist jokes beyond this point:

• Why don't women ski?
• There's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen.

• A man hits a women with his car while driving, whose fault is it?
• The woman's why was she out of the kitchen. (,or) the man's why was he driving in the kitchen.

Dead baby jokes

Warning, weird dead baby jokes follow:
More dead baby jokes.

• How do you make a dead baby float?
• Take your foot off of it's head.

• How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
• Nail its other hand to the floor.

• What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
• Art.

BoganGod wrote:Military intelligience

Intelligent design

Collateral damage

Christian science

What do you have against Collateral Damage?

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, you already told her twice.