Post-A-Joke

slash1890 · Post by **slash1890** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:16 pm

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing a razor blade!

KoolBak · Post by **KoolBak** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:37 pm

An attorney dies (shame!) and amazingly he goes up to heaven...he is standing at the pearly gates awaiting entrance and St Peter, manning the gate, looks in his book and does a double take - he goes "Oh my gosh! According to this you are the oldest living human being ever to exist!! You were 249 years old when you died!!!!"

Attorney says, "Oh, those were Billable Hours".

KoolBak · Post by **KoolBak** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:38 pm

How many rednecks does it takt to change a kitchen lightbulb?

None - the beeyotch can cook in the dark!

UCAbears · Post by **UCAbears** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:40 pm

KoolBak wrote:How many rednecks does it takt to change a kitchen lightbulb?

None - the beeyotch can cook in the dark!

that was the stupidest joke ive ever heard

pyro55 · Post by **pyro55** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:41 pm

agreed

Sammy gags · Post by **Sammy gags** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:41 pm

ive heard worse

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:43 pm

Me too. I could copy past about a million from another site. Most of them induce a: *groan* or a *sigh* or a *bullshit*.

wcaclimbing · Post by **wcaclimbing** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:32 pm

slash1890 wrote:What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing a razor blade!

ok this one is a little too much...

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:35 pm

Wanna hear some shitty jokes from a limey site?

Funny Face · Post by **Funny Face** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:48 pm

Premature Ejaculation Problems

One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor.
The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself." So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it. When he felt the urge he fired the pistol. The next day he went to the doctor and the doctor asked him how it went
He said, "Not to good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up, naked."

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:54 pm

Oh my God!!! Hahahahahahahaha! That gave me a good laugh.

FRSmk3 · Post by **FRSmk3** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:02 pm

A baby seal walked into a club.

Sammy gags · Post by **Sammy gags** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:03 pm

& got eaten by a killer whale?

FRSmk3 · Post by **FRSmk3** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:04 pm

no, that was the joke

Sammy gags · Post by **Sammy gags** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:09 pm

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:12 pm

Not bad how about:

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

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Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Yang-Yong-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said "the steaks are too high."

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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

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I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a
mussel.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

(all cedit goes to "Sass1")

FRSmk3 · Post by **FRSmk3** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:25 pm

seeing so many jokes in one post can't be healthy for your brain...

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:33 pm

I read 30 times that many in less time.

nascarfan38124 · Post by **nascarfan38124** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:58 pm

this isent a joke but it is really funny

check this out

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:05 am

Haha! Thats one of the best things i've seen all day.

nascarfan38124 · Post by **nascarfan38124** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:10 am

too bad it doesent work on my comp anymore

yea you should check that site out they have really funny stuff i also reccomend "the end of the world" flash video you'll get a kick out of that

hawkeye · Post by **hawkeye** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:15 am

I've seen "end of zee world"! I used to know the entire thing. Hahahaha! I'm listeningto that thing for the third time. Dammit thats addicting. Haha! What about the fucking llama song(oh kill me it nver ends(I waited for like 12 verses)) or the evil strawberry. I only watched like half of the "demented cartoon movie'.

nascarfan38124 · Post by **nascarfan38124** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 8:52 am

ive have watched the whole demented cartoon movie (yes i have no life

) but my favorite part is the kamakazi watermelon

misscrystal · Post by **misscrystal** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:30 pm

A man goes to the doctor, and after he undresses one of the nurses goes into the room for a few minutes. When she comes out she tells the other nurse "You've got to see this...this guy's so tiny he has "Shorty" tattooed on his penis!" They laugh a bit and the second nurse goes into the room. After a few minutes she comes out and says to the first nurse "I don't know what it said when you were in there, but when I went in it said "Shorty Walker's Western Wear from Waxahachie, Texas". "

Fireside Poet · Post by **Fireside Poet** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:40 pm

Did you know that a single fur coat takes 14 trees just for the protest signs?

Post-A-Joke

Joke: Premature Ejaculation Problems