tell a joke!

[Johnny Rockets]

A priest, two rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar.

The bartender looks over and shouts: " What is this? A fucking joke??"


JRock

[BoganGod]

Why is a truck load of babies better than a truckload of sand?

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork....

[Hologram]

Hitler was walking down a street one day when someone came up to him.

"What'd you do today Hitler?"

Hitler replied, "Oh not much, I just killed 10 Jews and a clown."

"Why'd you kill the clown?"

Hitler said, "See, no one cares about the Jews."

[HapSmo19]

Women's Rights

This is the best one so far...

The spoiler labels say it all, open at your own discretion.

Sexist jokes

Sexist jokes beyond this point:

• Why don't women ski?
• There's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen.

• A man hits a women with his car while driving, whose fault is it?
• The woman's why was she out of the kitchen. (,or) the man's why was he driving in the kitchen.

Dead baby jokes

Warning, weird dead baby jokes follow:
More dead baby jokes.

• How do you make a dead baby float?
• Take your foot off of it's head.

• How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
• Nail its other hand to the floor.

• What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
• Art.

[redhawk92]

Hitler was walking down a street one day when someone came up to him.

"What'd you do today Hitler?"

Hitler replied, "Oh not much, I just killed 10 Jews and clown."

"Why'd you kill the clown?"

Hitler said, "See, no one cares about the Jews."

[colton24]

anyways:

2 nuns are running from a bear. one nun turns to the other and says," Do you think we can out run him sister?" the other nun says," i don't have to out run him i just have to out run you"

[DirtyDishSoap]

Scientology

'nuff said

[Timminz]

A man stood on a flood-stricken street outside his house. The water was waist-high when a man in a rowboat came by and asked him if he wanted any help. "No thanks. God will save me", said the man. A couple of hours later, the water had reached chest level. A married couple in a small powerboat came along and offered to help. Once again, the man said, "No thanks. God will save me." two more hours later, with the water just below his chin, a coast guard helicopter dropped a harness down to the man and told him to strap himself in so they could pull him up. "No thanks. God will save me" was all the man said.

A short while later, the flood waters went over the man's head and he drowned. When he entered heaven, he asked, "Oh God, why didn't you save me?" To which God shrugged and replied, "Well, I tried to help you! I sent two boats and a helicopter!"




In related news. Praying father convicted of homicide.

[Lucalupulasa]

worst joke EVER!!!!!

Patient: Doctor doctor, i feel like a burglar!

Doctor: You'll have to take something for that!

[Army of GOD]

Why is Barack Obama tired?








He ran for president.

[Semigall]

Here's few from me:

- What is your hand doing in my pocket ?
- Searching matches...
- You could just ask!
- But i'm shy...

Man comes to dentist and asks:
"Guess how many teeth i have ?"
Dentist: "Well.. 32?"
Man: "Correct! But in which hand?"

Q: What to do when you see a little green man ?

A: Stop looking at the traffic lights and cross the street!

[AndyDufresne]

What do you call a cow with a twitch?


Beef Jerky!


--Andy

[whitestazn88]

whats the best condiment that's been banned from the forums?

dancing mustard.

[Semigall]

Mistakes are not forgiven by women and by Tetris on 9th level.

In an internet chat:

Death: I'll come to you tomorrow at 7 in evening.
John: Damn, Linda! Change your nickname!

Mother to son: "You think that if you drink beer after vodka i will not be able to tell you've smoked ?"

[jonesthecurl]

What beat do climatologists dance to?


Algorerhythm

[Lucarilover240]

U.S ARMY backwards

Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up

NAVY
Never Again Volunteer Yourself

[Lucarilover240]

Some from my step grandfather, the master of bad puns:




Three guys walk into a bar.
The fourth one ducks.




Hickory dickory dock,
three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
and the rest escaped with minor injuries.

[cyrenius]

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Goan f**k yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.”

DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!”

[Snorri1234]

[daddy1gringo]

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

[isaiah40]

anways i ahve one

Obama,Obama's wife and,Ophra were all in a plane Obama turns to Ophra and says " i could throw $1000 out the window and make someone happy". Ophra says " i got you beat i could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Obama's wife says " i got you both beat i could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make 100 people happy". After hearing this the pilot rolls his eyes like this turns to the co-pilot and says " i could throw thier a**es out the window and make 65million people happy.

While living in Canada I heard this version of it:

Trudeau and his three sons were all in a plane. Trudeau turns to his first son and asks " What can you do to make the people happy? The first son pulls out $100 bill and throws it out the window. Good Trudeau says. He then turns to his second son and asks the same question. The second son pulls out a $1000 bill and throws it out of the window. That's very good Trudeau exclaims! Lastly he turns to his third son and asks the same question. His third son then proceeds to grab his father and hurls him out of the window!

[cyrenius]

The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman

Need it faster??
Ask her not to tell anyone!!!!

[Army of GOD]

Why are models also farmers?


They raise my cock

[Timminz]

If you're the type of person who gets their panties in a twist over jokes DO NOT CLICK THE SPOILERS.

A man is at a club, and he walks over to the most beautiful woman in the whole place, looks her up and down, and says, "You're going to get laid tonight." She looks back at him, half laughing, and asks, "And just how do you know that?"

To which the man replies,

"Because I'm stronger than you."

Question: How are Terry Fox, and Hitler similar?

Answer

Neither one could finish a race.

Question: What colour does a baby turn in a microwave?

Answer

I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.

[cyrenius]