Funny Poetry!

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clapper011
Posts: 7208
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:25 am
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada

Funny Poetry!

Post by clapper011 »

I saw this and thought it was pretty funny!

Antiquity Blues

I get up in the morning and greet it with a sigh,
Shuffle from the bedroom with hair and brain awry,
Totter to the bathroom with sorta knock-kneed gait
To beat an urgent urging, that does not want to wait.

Today I'll write some verse I think
Pick up the pen and spread the ink.

The toaster in the kitchen, has features new galore,
It burns my bread, then pops it up and flings it on the floor.
The lurking ants are waiting as they do most every day,
Big and stout, they scuttle out and whisk my toast away.

If I have time I'll write a rhyme
On ants that steal that toast of mine.

The dream I dreamt last night still rankles
My PJ's slip down to my ankles,
I stoop to grab, and stub a toe
So say some naughty words I know.

The telephone begins to ring,
The toaster has another fling,
The ants are back, I'll never eat,
I might as well go back and sleep.

I'll close my eyes in sleep and sorrow,
And maybe write some verse tomorrow.
written by John Pickersgill

from this site:
http://www.funnypoets.com/
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AndyDufresne
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Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 8:22 pm
Location: A Banana Palm in Zihuatanejo
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Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by AndyDufresne »

Acorn Duly Crushed
Heather Christle, from her collection The Difficult Farm

Dear stupid forest.
Dear patently retarded forest.
Dear beautiful ugly stupid forest
full of nightingales
why won’t you shut up.
What do you want from me.
A train is too expensive.
A clerk will fall asleep.
Dear bitchy stupendous forest.
Trade seats with me.
Now it is your birthday.
Congrats!
Someone will probably slap you
about the face and ears.
Indulgent municipal forest.
Forest of scarves and of beards.
Dear rapid bloodless forest
you are talking all the time.
You are not pithy.
You are like 8,000 swans.
I cannot fit you in my mouth.
Dear nasty pregnant forest.
You are so hot!
You are environmentally significant.
Men love to hang themselves
from your standard old growth trees.
Don’t look at me.
You are the one with
the ancient noble terror.
Bad forest. Forest with
important gangs of leaves.
Dear naïve forest,
what won’t you be admitting!
Blunt international forest.
Forest of bees and of hair.
You should come back to my house.
We can bag drugs all night.
You can tell me
about your new windows.
How they are just now
beginning to sprout.

========================


--Andy
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CreepersWiener
Posts: 137
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:22 pm

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by CreepersWiener »

My Wiener

When I am alone and in bed,
And I am quite yearning for porn,
I grab the knob o' me head,
And pump it 'til the rise o' the morn.

My wiener stands straight as a missile,
Looking for enemy ships.
I rub me oysters and whistle,
A tune to ascend me lips.

Me eyes they's crossed for Snapper,
Looking deep within me mind,
For images o' beautiful Clapper,
Stroking me monkey so kind.

Then a strange feeling came 'fore me,
Me body all numb it did go.
The air was full o' bright colours to see,
And it was pleasing from head to toe!

Ah, a good wank job finally came to term!
Me mornin' mission complete!
What do I do with this handful o' sperm?
Hmmm...well, I hadn't yet anything to eat.

Author-CreepersWiener
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rdsrds2120
Posts: 6274
Joined: Fri Jul 03, 2009 3:42 am
Gender: Male

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by rdsrds2120 »

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other

One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee
A blind man went to see fair play
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by
Kicked the blind man in the eye
Knocked him through a 9 inch wall
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all

A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to arrest the 2 dead boys
If you don't believe this story's true
Ask the blind man, he saw it, too!
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Maugena
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:07 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by Maugena »

Well prior to this, everything was yawnsville.
CreepersWiener wrote:My Wiener

When I am alone and in bed,
And I am quite yearning for porn,
I grab the knob o' me head,
And pump it 'til the rise o' the morn.

My wiener stands straight as a missile,
Looking for enemy ships.
I rub me oysters and whistle,
A tune to ascend me lips.

Me eyes they's crossed for Snapper,
Looking deep within me mind,
For images o' beautiful Clapper,
Stroking me monkey so kind.

Then a strange feeling came 'fore me,
Me body all numb it did go.
The air was full o' bright colours to see,
And it was pleasing from head to toe!

Ah, a good wank job finally came to term!
Me mornin' mission complete!
What do I do with this handful o' sperm?
Hmmm...well, I hadn't yet anything to eat.

Author-CreepersWiener

But seriously, did you like save this for such a special occasion?
Renewed yet infused with apathy.
Let's just have a good time, all right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjQii_BboIk
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jonesthecurl
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Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:42 am
Gender: Male
Location: disused action figure warehouse
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Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by jonesthecurl »

Well here is a poetry thread
and just off the top of my head
I must tell you clapper-
AoG is a fapper,
who'll fap till he's blind or he's dead.
instagram.com/garethjohnjoneswrites
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InkL0sed
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Location: underwater
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Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by InkL0sed »

http://www.fishousepoems.org/archives/s ... fire.shtml

To Whoever Set My Truck On Fire

But let us be friends awhile and understand our differences
are small and that they float like dust in sunny rooms
and let us settle into the good work of being strangers
simply who have something to say in the middle of the night
for you have said something that interests me--something of flames,
footsteps and the hard heavy charge of an engine gunning away
into the June cool of four in the morning here in West Virginia
where last night I woke to the sound of a door slamming,
five or six fading footsteps, and through the window saw
my impossible truck bright orange like a maverick sun and
ran--I did--panicked in my underwear bobbling the dumb
extinguisher too complex it seemed for putting out fires
and so grabbed a skillet and jumped about like one
needing to piss while the faucet like honey issued its slow
sweet water and you I noticed then were watching
from your idling car far enough away I could not make
your plate number but you could see me--half naked
figuring out the puzzle of a fire thirty seconds from
a dream never to be remembered while the local chaos
of a growing fire crackled through the books and boots
burning in my truck, you bastard, you watched as I sprayed
finally the flames with a gardenhose under the moon
and yes I cut what was surely a ridiculous figure there
and worsened it later that morning after the bored police
drove home lazily and I stalked the road in front of my house
with an ax in my hand and walked into the road after
every car to memorize the plates of who might have done this:
LB 7329, NT 7663, and you may have passed by--
I don’t know--you may have passed by as I committed
the innocent numbers of neighbors to memory and maybe
you were miles away and I, like the woodsman of fairy tales,
threatened all with my bright ax shining with the evil
joy of vengeance and mad hunger to bring harm--heavy
harm--to the coward who did this and if I find you,
my friend, I promise you I will lay the sharp blade deep
into your body until the humid grabbing hands of what must be
death have mercy and take you away from the constant
murderous swinging my mind makes my words make
swinging down on your body and may your children
weep a thousand tears at your small and bewildered grave.


Steve Scafidi
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BigBallinStalin
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Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by BigBallinStalin »

InkL0sed wrote:http://www.fishousepoems.org/archives/steve_scafidi/to_whoever_set_my_truck_on_fire.shtml

To Whoever Set My Truck On Fire

But let us be friends awhile and understand our differences
are small and that they float like dust in sunny rooms
and let us settle into the good work of being strangers
simply who have something to say in the middle of the night
for you have said something that interests me--something of flames,
footsteps and the hard heavy charge of an engine gunning away
into the June cool of four in the morning here in West Virginia
where last night I woke to the sound of a door slamming,
five or six fading footsteps, and through the window saw
my impossible truck bright orange like a maverick sun and
ran--I did--panicked in my underwear bobbling the dumb
extinguisher too complex it seemed for putting out fires
and so grabbed a skillet and jumped about like one
needing to piss while the faucet like honey issued its slow
sweet water and you I noticed then were watching
from your idling car far enough away I could not make
your plate number but you could see me--half naked
figuring out the puzzle of a fire thirty seconds from
a dream never to be remembered while the local chaos
of a growing fire crackled through the books and boots
burning in my truck, you bastard, you watched as I sprayed
finally the flames with a gardenhose under the moon
and yes I cut what was surely a ridiculous figure there
and worsened it later that morning after the bored police
drove home lazily and I stalked the road in front of my house
with an ax in my hand and walked into the road after
every car to memorize the plates of who might have done this:
LB 7329, NT 7663, and you may have passed by--
I don’t know--you may have passed by as I committed
the innocent numbers of neighbors to memory and maybe
you were miles away and I, like the woodsman of fairy tales,
threatened all with my bright ax shining with the evil
joy of vengeance and mad hunger to bring harm--heavy
harm--to the coward who did this and if I find you,
my friend, I promise you I will lay the sharp blade deep
into your body until the humid grabbing hands of what must be
death have mercy and take you away from the constant
murderous swinging my mind makes my words make
swinging down on your body and may your children
weep a thousand tears at your small and bewildered grave.

But then, I realized how pointless such ambitions were
so I decided to write some mean poetry about my feelings
and after doing so, I've been recognized for my works
and I feel better for it, and I actually thank the person for burning my truck.

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Tiggy D Amour
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Location: England

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by Tiggy D Amour »

Conquer Club forums
Hate, smut, abuse, moans, and more hate
and beautiful me
Laser Squad Nemesis. The Ultimate in turn based strategy games.

http://www.lasersquadnemesis.com/News.htm
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jonesthecurl
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Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by jonesthecurl »

Most of these verses
tl;dr
Maybe four lines
ain't goin' too far.
instagram.com/garethjohnjoneswrites
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CreepersWiener
Posts: 137
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:22 pm

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by CreepersWiener »

<Creeper's Edit>
Last edited by CreepersWiener on Fri Oct 22, 2010 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Army of GOD wrote:I joined this game because it's so similar to Call of Duty.
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daddy1gringo
Posts: 532
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:47 am
Location: Connecticut yankee expatriated in Houston, Texas area, by way of Isabela, NW PR

Re: Funny Poetry!

Post by daddy1gringo »

Image

The bustard's an exquisite fowl
With minimal reason to growl.
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel.
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
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